I did really well on the first 30 days. Piece of not-really-cake-cake. Then I got cravings for the sweet stuff, and it was fine; I satisfied it with some 80% cacao chocolate and paleo brownies. The paleo brownies turned into chocolate pieces that turned into coconut milk ice cream with agave. But those, sadly, sparked the fire that would not go away. Add to that the difficulty in finding a job, and the fact that the scale didn't seem to want to move anyway... and, well, I took my first humble dive off the wagon.
Which is weird, and I'll tell you why. I don't really see being on paleo as being ON a wagon. It's good food! It's indulgence! I looked forward to eating every day, and I felt so satisfied! In fact, for the first 30 days I didn't miss bread or cake or sweets. It was annoying that the scale wouldn't change, but I was losing inches, and noticeably. Why would I even want to go back to all the processed crap and grains and sugar?
I didn't, and I don't. It's funny to see the mental push an old habit will give you, even when you know it's not good for you, and when you eat something and feel like crap afterwards. The whole situation reminded me very much that sugar consumption is an addiction, and given your personality, you can't always have "a little bit", or even an alternative, because the alternative is too much like the real thing to give your brain a break.
When I had my first bite of watermelon after 30 days without sugar it was incredible. I had never tasted anything so sweet and delicious, and I don't even like watermelon! But by the end of my slide, it wasn't special any more. Common sugars had relegated it to the background chorus again. I want watermelon to be just as amazing every time I eat it. And it is: when I'm eating 100% paleo. Even the rich and indulgent coconut milk ice cream became sickly and un-awe-inspiring. It went from "oh my god this is so amazing, and delicious and rich!" and me eating 1/4 of a pint of ice cream to me eating an entire pint and thinking "meh." This is NOT how I want to feel about food, people!
I'm upping the ante this time. After all, 60 days isn't anything; it's not a diet, or a contest. It's a way of life, and I'm embracing it fully. I'm going 100% paleo, and, for 60 days, cutting all fruit and nuts. I'm also going to start supplementing slightly, with fish oil and a multi-vitamin. I'm also going to add in exercise, at least an hour each day. This is my challenge to myself; to take this "relapse" and turn it into me kicking addiction's ass.
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